For a friend

Ok, I'll see if I can hit all the points I want to here :).


1) We are one year into our four-year assignment overseas. While challenging at times, I am thrilled to have this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.


2) It's legitimate to be concerned about having a good strong support system when you PCS to a new place whether stateside or overseas. When we moved to Tucson I wasn't all that concerned but as it turns out we were very challenged to find our niche in the community. Stateside bases are pretty much located within civilian communities which means there are piles of churches, schools, stores, etc. Yay for convenience but crappy for encouraging unity within the base.

3) God always provides. My biggest fear when we got orders to Japan was that the church on base would be awful (we had a bad experience in Tucson). The next nearest English Mass is over an hour away, so we knew we'd have limited choices. Not to worry - the church community here on base has been amazing in more ways than one :).


4) It is what you make of it. Overseas bases tend to have fantastic resources and support systems built into darn near every aspect of base life. However, you have to be willing to put yourself out there at least a little bit (this is really hard for me but it is SO worth it!). Examples include Spouses Clubs, children's playgroups, Bible studies, off-base tours organized by the base, the list could go on forever :). In our experience so far, these kinds of supports are much more prominent and successful than those at stateside bases. Everybody's in the same boat overseas, so they tend to help each other out/seek each other out more than in the states :).

5) Deployments are a fact of life. They suck. No getting around that. However, they can go much more smoothly when the whole family is prepared and good supports are in place. On top of the everyday base supports, there are great resources available for deployed families. At this base there is a monthly free dinner for deployed families, a certain number of hours of free childcare per month, piles of trips and family-friendly events specifically for deployed families (think Disney!), and each unit makes sure the families get whatever help they need (meals, mowed lawns, whatever). This is in addition to whatever support you get from the friends you make on base (and you will... quickly!). The best support I get during deployments comes from fellow milfamilies that have been there, done that. Civilians, no matter how hard they try, just don't get it.


6) Make friends. Go out of your way to meet people. PCS season is like the tide - it brings in new people as well as pulls some away. You don't have time to dilly-dally when it comes to getting to know people. This can be tough. I am a wall flower and have to almost force myself to go up to a new person with a smile and introduce myself. Boy am I glad I do that though - I have met some amazing people that have enriched my life and the life of my whole family! Some of those people I may meet only once, others I hope to keep connected to for a lifetime, but the support I get (and hopefully give!) by connecting to those people is invaluable. This is part of what it means to be a military family - embrace it :D!


7) Deployments vary widely in duration. During shorter deployments (six months or less), many families choose to either stay in their homes overseas (since there are all those built-in support systems!), or go "home" to the states for just a visit - maybe up to 2 months. During longer deployments (one year or more) some families choose to stay overseas (for school, work, or personal reasons) and some choose to move back to the states. If the service member is given an "unaccompanied" tour in say Korea (this is not a deployment, but in fact a temporary duty assignment, typically of one year or more) then the Air Force (and perhaps the Army?) will give the deployed family the choice of moving back to the states, but be sure and double check if the move has to be to your "home of record" or to any place you choose. This can be important if your home of record is in one state, but your extended family (whom you want to live near for that year) lives in another state.


8) Military bases are like child factories. Seriously - I think children under 18 outnumber adults like 3 to 1 :P. This means that if you have kids, don't worry - so does eveyone else (well, almost). Playgroups, childcare, playgrounds, schools, sports, youth centers, dance lessons, etc. abound. So do families with children the exact ages/stages as your children :).


9) There's always something new to experience when you're overseas. That's one of the best parts!


10) There's always something to miss when you're overseas... like Dominoes :) (we do have Pizza Hut though, and Subway, and Burger King, and well.. we're not exactly deprived over here ;p).


11) In my opinion, despite its challenges, frustrations, and occassional silliness, living overseas with the military is TOTALLY worth it :D.


Ok, hopefully that hits all the high points of military life overseas. If your friend is willing to talk with someone she's never met, then please feel free to share my contact info with her :). I am also happy to drum up the milwife network and find some local base people in the country she's potentially moving to. It makes a huge difference to have a friend before you arrive in a new place!


Thanks and good luck - I know this has been long... ;p