What's New

This is the 2nd of a series of catch-up blog posts so if you're just dying to know what we've been up to during my relative blogging silence the last several weeks then check out the rest of the series.


Topic #2:  Our Decision

I'm sure by now, since you clearly do have the internet and all, that you have heard all about the earthquakes and tsunami and resulting aftermath in Japan.  Well, we live in Japan.  I posted previously some of my immediate reactions, thoughts, and the difficult choices we were facing as a family.  Since those posts we've reached and acted upon some major decisions.

First, however, a note about the crises in Japan:

I keep reminding friends and family that the American news is really blowing a lot of the risks and realities out of proportion and to take the news with a bucket of salt.  At least.  Nobody we know is getting microwaved, nor are they likely to anytime in the near future.  People have however lost their homes, their lives, their children, their friends, everything they own.  They need a lot of help and prayers and are going to for a long time to come.  If you or anyone you know would like to help out, please DON'T SEND STUFF.  Neither the Japanese nor anyone else in the area has the time, space, or manpower to dedicate to coordinating the reception and delivery of goods to those in need.  They are, however, very capable of putting MONEY to excellent use.  I encourage you to donate to the Red Cross or other aide organization of your choice since that is by far the most beneficial physical thing any of us can do, aside from conserving energy if you happen to live in Japan.  PRAYERS for the continued good will of the countries and people providing relief, for level heads as people solve problems and make choices, and for the health and safety of all those affected by these disasters are much needed.  Prayer is Powerful and God is Good :D.

Now, on to our decision to leave Japan:

We really wrestled with this one.  We didn't (and still don't) feel endangered in any way, we were concerned about the possibility of a mandatory evacuation at which point we would lose any say in the when, where, and how of our departure, and if we left Japan we would have no idea when we would be coming back.

On the flip side, the government offered to pay for all transportation costs, including per diem for the duration of our time away from Japan, and make all arrangements for us to get all the way home if we so desired.  We're not sure when next we could afford a trip to visit family, so this was particularly hard to pass up.

In the end we decided to go.  Better safe than stuck and we knew family would be ecstatic about a visit with baby Bird.

We gathered our paperwork, we packed our bags, and we inventoried our household belongings on the off chance we had to suddenly evacuate.  As I stood looking at our bags, packed and ready to go with military paperwork carefully filed, I couldn't help but feel like this was another deployment - only backwards.  I've never been the one preparing to go; I've always been the one putting on the brave face and promising to hold down the fort.  It was a bit disconcerting.

We did decide to wait a few days though and I'm really glad we did.  That gave the military a chance to work out some of the kinks that are guaranteed to pop up when you suddenly relocate large numbers of people.  By the time we left, things were moving pretty smoothly and we arrived "home" quickly and all in one piece.  The trip itself was pretty amazing though, so I'll dedicate the next post just to that :).

Priorities

My husband's comment when trying on his new gas mask:

"Oh yeah, I'm gonna sleep so well in this mask!"

Such are the priorities during exercises.

Weekly Roundup

Just a reminder - check it out if you haven't already!  Lots of great blogging going on :)

Phantom Hand

Tonight I attended a spouses' meeting for my husband's squadron.  I gave myself a pep talk before I got out of the car.  "No committment, just going to find out about upcoming events, don't get too involved too fast, there are plenty of other capable and willing individuals that will be there, just take notes."

So someone please tell me how I managed to walk out of the meeting with the shiny new title of "Newsletter Writer?"

Military Life in a Nutshell

Yep, this about sums it up:

http://armywifecb.blogspot.com/2011/01/dear-future-military-spouse.html

Oh Sure, Why Not

Just in case you wanted to know all the inner workings of my mind at 11:10 on a Friday night :).


(Borrowed from WifeofaSailor)


1. What do you usually want to know about someone when meeting them for the first time?

Do they speak English?  If so, we'll go from there.  If not, well... we'll have to get creative :).  If I manage to goof up first impressions as often as I do, I imagine other people might not be too keen on them either.  How about we just sit down and chat for awhile :).

2. Would you rather know everything about your spouse, or be regularly surprised?

I think it's impossible to know everything about anyone, even myself!  People are constantly changing and (hopefully) growing, that's part of what makes us human.  I love getting to know my husband more and more every day and look forward to a lifetime of sharing and growing with him!  When we were at our pre-cana retreat (marriage prep - it was wonderful) one of the speakers shared an image with us.  It was a simple triangle, with the husband on one bottom corner, the wife on the other bottom corner, and God at the peak.  The closer we grow toward God, the closer we grow toward each other.  This has proven so true and I try to remember that if I want to get closer to my husband, the best way is by reaching out for God.  Talk about regular surprises!

3. If you could live in one city for the rest of your life, where would you live?

Ummm... no.  No city.  I don't even want to SEE city from my house.  How about a general middle of the mid-west, USA.  With mountains.  And green.  Lots and lots of green.

4. When you go out of town, what one material thing do you ALWAYS take?

Books.  Although now that we have a little one?  Diapers. ;p

5. Using no more than 10 nouns, and ONLY nouns, describe yourself.

• Catholic
• mother
• wife
• reader
• baker
• creator
• camper
• treehugger
• dreamer
• protector

Now it's your turn :).  Don't forget to link up here:  http://wifeofasailor.com/2011/01/21/milspouse-friday-fill-in-27/

Milspouse Roundup

If you've found this blog through the Mil Spouse Weekly Roundup hosted by Riding the Roller Coaster, then welcome and thank you for stopping by!  If you don't know what I'm talking about, click on the linky below and check out some great blog posts by fellow milspouse bloggers :).









Peace!
-Milwife Mama of One

Military Tides

PCS Season.  Deployments.  TDYs.  Retirements.  Changes of Command.  Promotions.  Lots of things going on right now.  People we love have moved on to new places and new faces appear daily.

This is the life we have chosen.  Most days I like it, some days I love it, and some days I just call it a scrap and move on.

Right now we're focused on an upcoming deployment.  Not totally unexpected, but not exactly planned-ahead either.  We had not-so-secretly hoped dh wouldn't deploy while we were stationed here, but that was silly thinking and we knew it.  Uncle Sam must have heard our quiet chatter and decided to remind us who's in charge of where/when we go.

So.  Deployment it is.

We've done two deployments so far, and learned different things from each.  This will be our first while stationed overseas and (more significantly) our first with a little one.

The upsides:
-Daddy was here for our little one's whole "growing time" (i.e. my pregnancy) AND the delivery (one of my biggest fears with the military has always been that I'll have to "go it alone" during a delivery)
-he's seen lots of milestones including first bath, first smile, first roll, pushing up, hands and knees, and hopefully crawling before he goes (pretty likely the way dd is hanging out on all fours these days!)
-Skype.
-he's not as likely to deploy again for (hopefully) awhile
-he can bring his bike (he's training for a triatholon :) )
-we get to visit family/friends in the States before he goes
-the support here is amazing - so much better than our last base!!!!!

I'm trying not to focus on the downsides right now.  We're on quite a short timeline and frankly we don't have time to mope.  That's probably best :).

We're going to need some help though and I know that.  If I learned anything during my pregnany it's that people genuinely want to help and I genuinely need to accept it - for my health and my sanity.

This is why I'm asking you guys - what advice can you give for making the most of a deployment with a little one?  It's a "short" deployment and I know both dh and I can handle it just fine (lots of prayers and good communication are key!), but I'm worried our little one is going to take it hard.  Will she know who he is when he comes home?  Will she sleep as well while he's gone?  Can I make her smile as big as she does for her Daddy?  I'm all ears for tips.

Military Life

Sometimes it sucks.  Just missin' my hubby :-\.  Watching "Broken Bridges" didn't help - 5 small town boys lost in a military training accident.  Hubby's not deployed, but we know many who are - my heart goes out to them and their families!  Please say an extra prayer tonight for all our boys and gals in the service.

Wide-Eyed Wonder

Each time we've gone off base with our little one, we've attracted a small crowd.  Fellow milfamilies warned us about this phenomenon before our daughter was born but I was unprepared for the gifts!  Yes, gifts.  Let me share an example:

We and a couple friends spent the day at Mt. Takao a few weeks ago.  Lots of fun.  Before riding the rail up the mountain we needed to fill our tummies.  We sit, we order, we drool over others' food as its delicious scents waft our way.  All the while dd wiggles, coos, drools, typical baby stuff.  The eyes of the lady and sons at the table next to us are riveted upon all this American babyness - simply unable to look away.  Next thing I know one of the pint-sized sons is handing over a toy at the coaching of his mother, "Dozo, dozo, dooooozo."  Yeah, we were a little dense.

I'm always afraid of looking the wrong way or saying the wrong thing or just in general looking stupid, but that fear is amplified when out and about in an unfamiliar culture where I can't even pretend to read the signs.  My solution?  Keep my eyes down, smile, and nod.  Periodically toss in the handful of Japanese words I know and hope I didn't just call someone a dufus.  My strategy was failing miserably and the pizza hadn't even arrived yet.  Crud.

Well as it turns out, this family was being super nice and just wanted to share something cool with our little girl.  I'm sure I totally botched the whole thank-you-and-bow bit and they must have walked away wondering just how many more times they were going to have to say "Doooooozo" (please, as in I am offering this to you, please take it dingbat) before the idiot American caught on (they literally must have said it about 20 times), but all in all it was pretty neat.

I assumed this was a one-time deal.  Nope!  Our daughter has been the oblivious recipient of now two unsolicited gifts from random strangers.  I really need to read up on this phenomenon - how do you deal with people giving you stuff you can't use, didn't ask for, or don't know what it is?!  I'm not ranting, I'm just curious.  I've been told it's terribly rude to refuse a gift in Japan (understandably so) but I didn't even realize that first family was trying to give us a gift - I thought they just meant dd could play with the toy while we were sitting there (which wasn't going to happen - 5 second rule is one thing, but letting your 3-month-old knaw on a toy of undisclosed history is quite another).

This type of event is becoming rather frequent.  People here positively gape at our daughter, coo at her, and otherwise indicate that they are impressed.  Yes, she's cute (oh I'm not biased at all, no) - all babies are cute (not as cute as she is, but that's okay ;p), but in Japan, the American brand of cuteness is apparently a hot commodity.  We've had more than one discussion with strangers running something like this:
"She? He?"
-Yes, she.
"Sleeping? (or drooling, or whatever she is obviously doing at the time)
-Yes, sleeping.
"She has small head, round face, not like Japanese"
-Ah, yes, thank you (seriously, how do you respond to that?).

Families with blond-haired, blue-eyed children tell me they get it the worst.  People randomly come out of nowhere and rub their kids' heads.  Ack!  We haven't had to deal with that one (I have issues with people touching me and I'm not too keen about strangers touching my baby girl!) but I really am at a loss at all this wide-eyed wonder she seems to generate all around her.  So much for staying incunspicuous!

A Reminder

I just wanted to say thank you to the woman hosting this "contest."  Thank you to the men and women of the armed forces, and thank you to all the families.  Sometimes we all need a not-so-subtle reminder of the humanity of these families.  As a milfamily, sometimes we need a not-so-subtle reminder of our blessings.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/photography/2010/05/coming-home/comment-page-6/#comment-311642

For a friend

Ok, I'll see if I can hit all the points I want to here :).


1) We are one year into our four-year assignment overseas. While challenging at times, I am thrilled to have this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.


2) It's legitimate to be concerned about having a good strong support system when you PCS to a new place whether stateside or overseas. When we moved to Tucson I wasn't all that concerned but as it turns out we were very challenged to find our niche in the community. Stateside bases are pretty much located within civilian communities which means there are piles of churches, schools, stores, etc. Yay for convenience but crappy for encouraging unity within the base.

3) God always provides. My biggest fear when we got orders to Japan was that the church on base would be awful (we had a bad experience in Tucson). The next nearest English Mass is over an hour away, so we knew we'd have limited choices. Not to worry - the church community here on base has been amazing in more ways than one :).


4) It is what you make of it. Overseas bases tend to have fantastic resources and support systems built into darn near every aspect of base life. However, you have to be willing to put yourself out there at least a little bit (this is really hard for me but it is SO worth it!). Examples include Spouses Clubs, children's playgroups, Bible studies, off-base tours organized by the base, the list could go on forever :). In our experience so far, these kinds of supports are much more prominent and successful than those at stateside bases. Everybody's in the same boat overseas, so they tend to help each other out/seek each other out more than in the states :).

5) Deployments are a fact of life. They suck. No getting around that. However, they can go much more smoothly when the whole family is prepared and good supports are in place. On top of the everyday base supports, there are great resources available for deployed families. At this base there is a monthly free dinner for deployed families, a certain number of hours of free childcare per month, piles of trips and family-friendly events specifically for deployed families (think Disney!), and each unit makes sure the families get whatever help they need (meals, mowed lawns, whatever). This is in addition to whatever support you get from the friends you make on base (and you will... quickly!). The best support I get during deployments comes from fellow milfamilies that have been there, done that. Civilians, no matter how hard they try, just don't get it.


6) Make friends. Go out of your way to meet people. PCS season is like the tide - it brings in new people as well as pulls some away. You don't have time to dilly-dally when it comes to getting to know people. This can be tough. I am a wall flower and have to almost force myself to go up to a new person with a smile and introduce myself. Boy am I glad I do that though - I have met some amazing people that have enriched my life and the life of my whole family! Some of those people I may meet only once, others I hope to keep connected to for a lifetime, but the support I get (and hopefully give!) by connecting to those people is invaluable. This is part of what it means to be a military family - embrace it :D!


7) Deployments vary widely in duration. During shorter deployments (six months or less), many families choose to either stay in their homes overseas (since there are all those built-in support systems!), or go "home" to the states for just a visit - maybe up to 2 months. During longer deployments (one year or more) some families choose to stay overseas (for school, work, or personal reasons) and some choose to move back to the states. If the service member is given an "unaccompanied" tour in say Korea (this is not a deployment, but in fact a temporary duty assignment, typically of one year or more) then the Air Force (and perhaps the Army?) will give the deployed family the choice of moving back to the states, but be sure and double check if the move has to be to your "home of record" or to any place you choose. This can be important if your home of record is in one state, but your extended family (whom you want to live near for that year) lives in another state.


8) Military bases are like child factories. Seriously - I think children under 18 outnumber adults like 3 to 1 :P. This means that if you have kids, don't worry - so does eveyone else (well, almost). Playgroups, childcare, playgrounds, schools, sports, youth centers, dance lessons, etc. abound. So do families with children the exact ages/stages as your children :).


9) There's always something new to experience when you're overseas. That's one of the best parts!


10) There's always something to miss when you're overseas... like Dominoes :) (we do have Pizza Hut though, and Subway, and Burger King, and well.. we're not exactly deprived over here ;p).


11) In my opinion, despite its challenges, frustrations, and occassional silliness, living overseas with the military is TOTALLY worth it :D.


Ok, hopefully that hits all the high points of military life overseas. If your friend is willing to talk with someone she's never met, then please feel free to share my contact info with her :). I am also happy to drum up the milwife network and find some local base people in the country she's potentially moving to. It makes a huge difference to have a friend before you arrive in a new place!


Thanks and good luck - I know this has been long... ;p