I feel refreshed; I feel free; I feel like ME again!
I, for the first time since I can't remember when, read a whole book today.
Start to finish. Every page inbetween. And loved it.
I will probably regret it in the morning when the baby wakes up ready to play at 6:30 and I've just gone to sleep at 1:30, but tonight? HALLELUIA!
Sunday, November 28
Wednesday, October 27
HA! I'm not the only one!
We had a great start to breastfeeding. And an awful one. In summary:
Now don't get me wrong, I was 100% committed to giving our baby what I knew was best for her and my husband was 100% behind me which made all the difference in the world, but every single time I nursed our baby I battled irrepressible feelings of hopelessness, even anger. It was awful. I loved our baby and loved holding her, cuddling her, soaking in all her babyness, just not nursing her. On more times than I can count I either bawled through most of a nursing session or had to pass our daughter off to my husband before she could even latch on just so I could get a grip before she ate.
I figured it was the hormones. They're supposed to be all out of whack after you give birth, right? Or possible post-partem depression (which I won't rule out, but I figured not every day was bad, or at least not all day, so we were okay, right?) I mean, everyone raves about the wonderful bond between a mother a nursing baby. All the research I did said I could look forward to some soreness, yes (which the more research I do, the less true this appears to be), but most importantly a warm gush of love every time I nursed. Well I didn't get that. "There must be something wrong with my perspective, because I'm doing everything else right" is what I told myself over and over. "I'm just not trying hard enough."
Enter this bolt of lightening: http://www.fightingfrumpy.com/2009/10/im-such-boob-sequel.html
And this simple description: http://www.d-mer.org/Frequently_Asked_Questions.html
I'm. Not. Crazy.
I wish I had known more about this oh I don't know eight months ago. I think it could have saved a lot of heartache and self-berrating. I think I would not have felt like such a hopelessly terrible mother for not loving such a huge part of caring for our newborn. I think I would have sought out help.
So. For any currently nursing moms, potentially future nursing moms, and the dads and friends that support them, if something doesn't feel right, YOU'RE NOT ALONE and don't be afraid to seek out help :).
- "perfect" latch the first time (according to the nurse) even though it hurt
- PIRANA child (bit down and sucked so hard she drew blood blisters... EVERY. TIME.)
- gained weight "appropriately"
- "nursed like a champ" every 1-6 hours (she slept a pretty long shot at night right off - the hospital staff wasn't impressed - i.e. woke us both up every 2 hours insisting that our peacefully sleeping and clearly not starving child simply must eat)
- no engorgement when my milk came in (despite serious overproduction issues that stemmed from blindly following advice that clearly wasn't working)
- baby was in general a pretty happy baby
- I hated it.
Now don't get me wrong, I was 100% committed to giving our baby what I knew was best for her and my husband was 100% behind me which made all the difference in the world, but every single time I nursed our baby I battled irrepressible feelings of hopelessness, even anger. It was awful. I loved our baby and loved holding her, cuddling her, soaking in all her babyness, just not nursing her. On more times than I can count I either bawled through most of a nursing session or had to pass our daughter off to my husband before she could even latch on just so I could get a grip before she ate.
I figured it was the hormones. They're supposed to be all out of whack after you give birth, right? Or possible post-partem depression (which I won't rule out, but I figured not every day was bad, or at least not all day, so we were okay, right?) I mean, everyone raves about the wonderful bond between a mother a nursing baby. All the research I did said I could look forward to some soreness, yes (which the more research I do, the less true this appears to be), but most importantly a warm gush of love every time I nursed. Well I didn't get that. "There must be something wrong with my perspective, because I'm doing everything else right" is what I told myself over and over. "I'm just not trying hard enough."
Enter this bolt of lightening: http://www.fightingfrumpy.com/2009/10/im-such-boob-sequel.html
And this simple description: http://www.d-mer.org/Frequently_Asked_Questions.html
I'm. Not. Crazy.
I wish I had known more about this oh I don't know eight months ago. I think it could have saved a lot of heartache and self-berrating. I think I would not have felt like such a hopelessly terrible mother for not loving such a huge part of caring for our newborn. I think I would have sought out help.
So. For any currently nursing moms, potentially future nursing moms, and the dads and friends that support them, if something doesn't feel right, YOU'RE NOT ALONE and don't be afraid to seek out help :).
Home
Awhile back I read this post and almost cried:
It spurred me to read a few more similar posts:
The church I grew up in didn't have a cry room till I was in college. What possessed them to add it at that point (the church was well over 20 years old) is still beyond me. The parish was young and I relished hearing the baby babbles and little voices asking some really great questions. I'm not talking about 8-year-old kids munching cheerios or playing Gameboys, I mean honest curiosity and just plain vibrancy that small children carry with them everywhere they go.
The priest of our parish when I was little (not the afore mentioned, this one was before I moved as a kid) used to stop what he was doing if he saw a parent stand up to take a crying child out of the sanctuary. "Don't leave! That child's voice is the music of angels!" Oh how I wish all people felt the same!
Now that we have our own little one, I must say we have left the sanctuary with her on a small handful (like less than 5) occassions. Not because she was being disruptive or we were worried about bugging the people next to us so much as because she is WIGGLY and it is much easier to rock those wiggly toes to sleep while standing as opposed to kneeling. We've always stayed within earshot of the sanctuary (or at least a speaker) and have come back to the sanctuary within a few minutes too.
I thought we were doing pretty well with the whole family-celebrating-life-and-Mass-together thing, but we did have a surprising bump on the road. A few weeks ago we (finally!) made it to the States and were able to celebrate our daughter's baptism (yay!). We sat down in the front row, everyone dressed to the hilt and weary sloppy smiles because we were there celebrating Mass as a family and our baby was going to be baptized. Well, everyone was wearing smiles except the baby. She was hungry. So I did what I always do... fed her. Yep. In the front row. In my dress clothes. Without a blanket. What shocked me is that a family member leaned over and insisted, "You can't do that here!" Well would you rather I let the baby scream or shall I run and hide?
If children (with all their sniffles, wiggles, babbles, and all) aren't welcome in church, then why on earth are we there? Jesus says, "Let the children come to me" and by golly I'm pretty sure He means it!
It spurred me to read a few more similar posts:
- http://www.katewicker.com/2009/02/harden-not-my-heart.html
- http://www.hobomama.com/2009/02/do-not-hinder-them.html
- http://www.hobomama.com/2010/07/christianitys-effect-on-breastfeeding.html
- http://www.katewicker.com/2010/09/let-little-children-come.html
- http://www.insidecatholic.com/feature/why-i-nurse-at-the-mall-and-at-mass.html
What hurts perhaps the most is that I feel more at home in church, sharing in the Mass with my husband, daughter, and friends and family if they're there, than perhaps anywhere else on earth. My fervent prayer is that our baby girl feels the same. How can she feel at home when children are intentionally sidelined into a separate room or are denied their basic needs because it might cause someone else to become uncomfortable?
The church I grew up in didn't have a cry room till I was in college. What possessed them to add it at that point (the church was well over 20 years old) is still beyond me. The parish was young and I relished hearing the baby babbles and little voices asking some really great questions. I'm not talking about 8-year-old kids munching cheerios or playing Gameboys, I mean honest curiosity and just plain vibrancy that small children carry with them everywhere they go.
The priest of our parish when I was little (not the afore mentioned, this one was before I moved as a kid) used to stop what he was doing if he saw a parent stand up to take a crying child out of the sanctuary. "Don't leave! That child's voice is the music of angels!" Oh how I wish all people felt the same!
Now that we have our own little one, I must say we have left the sanctuary with her on a small handful (like less than 5) occassions. Not because she was being disruptive or we were worried about bugging the people next to us so much as because she is WIGGLY and it is much easier to rock those wiggly toes to sleep while standing as opposed to kneeling. We've always stayed within earshot of the sanctuary (or at least a speaker) and have come back to the sanctuary within a few minutes too.
I thought we were doing pretty well with the whole family-celebrating-life-and-Mass-together thing, but we did have a surprising bump on the road. A few weeks ago we (finally!) made it to the States and were able to celebrate our daughter's baptism (yay!). We sat down in the front row, everyone dressed to the hilt and weary sloppy smiles because we were there celebrating Mass as a family and our baby was going to be baptized. Well, everyone was wearing smiles except the baby. She was hungry. So I did what I always do... fed her. Yep. In the front row. In my dress clothes. Without a blanket. What shocked me is that a family member leaned over and insisted, "You can't do that here!" Well would you rather I let the baby scream or shall I run and hide?
If children (with all their sniffles, wiggles, babbles, and all) aren't welcome in church, then why on earth are we there? Jesus says, "Let the children come to me" and by golly I'm pretty sure He means it!
Saturday, July 31
Midnight List
1. I need a language plan.
2. I have more in common with Attachment Parenting than I realized.
3. My parenting opinions have changed drastically since actually having a child.
4. I'm so far behind on housework it isn't even funny.
5. I should be sleeping.
6. Everyone else in the house is sleeping.
7. WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING?!
8. Rice crackers are yummy.
9. I've discovered card making. Instant gratification. I think I'm in love.
10. I married the love of my life :D.
11. I gave birth to another love of my life :D.
12. Life's pretty cool.
2. I have more in common with Attachment Parenting than I realized.
3. My parenting opinions have changed drastically since actually having a child.
4. I'm so far behind on housework it isn't even funny.
5. I should be sleeping.
6. Everyone else in the house is sleeping.
7. WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING?!
8. Rice crackers are yummy.
9. I've discovered card making. Instant gratification. I think I'm in love.
10. I married the love of my life :D.
11. I gave birth to another love of my life :D.
12. Life's pretty cool.
Tuesday, July 27
IMPORTANT!
A fellow milspouse blogger recently posted this reminder that we all need to be careful in daily life, but especially on the web. Please take a moment to read the post and evaluate whether or not you could make improvements in your own OPSEC or PERSEC. Pass the message along and stay safe!
Top 10 Reasons Why Mil Spuse Bloggers MUST Practice OPSEC
Top 10 Reasons Why Mil Spuse Bloggers MUST Practice OPSEC
Thursday, July 22
Our Stash
I think cloth diapering has grown to a cult-like obsession! Eesh!
The cloth diapers of yesteryear are being swallowed up by the hundreds, maybe THOUSANDS, of new, modern, funky, recycled, cute, weird, practical, crunchy, fantastic diapers and diapering products available from one corner of the earth to the other corner of the web these days. I have spent DAYS researching, bookmarking, highlighting, and comparing more diaper options than I ever realized existed before we had our little one.
I've decided something.
I don't NEED all those crazy options that are out there! Don't get me wrong, many of them look great, but they just don't fit with our priorities. My amazing husband didn't even bat an eye when I told him I wanted to consider cloth diapering our kiddos (current and future). His only request (as it usually is) was that if there were going to be options, please limit them as much as possible. No prob. I googled, I searched, I read, I sifted, I consulted, I scoured, I skimmed till my eyes crossed. I had some great pointers from one CDing mama in particular - to whom I am eternally grateful :)! I finally came up with a list of priorities (in order):
Following these parameters and a bit of experimenting during our little one's newborn stage, here's what we've settled on:
The only concession we are making to more "simple" diapers is a half-dozen Thirsties Duo Diapers we have in the mail. Changing diapers in Japan can be interesting on occasion. We've been using disposables while out and about because we thought it might make life simpler (changing a prefold does require a smidge more time and room than changing a disposable). Problem? No trash bins in the bathrooms. Now if we have to carry around the dirty diaper anyway, then why on earth are we wasting the money, health benefits, and land-fill space on disposables in the first place?
Challenges: our dryer can't handle anything thicker than a prefold and I am not thrilled at the idea of unstuffing dirty pocket diapers. Solution? The Duo dipes are "sleeve" diapers - every review I've read says the inserts no kidding wash out of the diapers in the washing machine. Hallelujah! Diaper changes as fast as a disposable, healthy as cloth dipes, AND I don't have to get my hands dirty? I'm all there :D. We'll see how it goes - the trial run will be while we're visiting in the States.
I suppose I also ought to share what we use to round out our cloth diapering system:
The cloth diapers of yesteryear are being swallowed up by the hundreds, maybe THOUSANDS, of new, modern, funky, recycled, cute, weird, practical, crunchy, fantastic diapers and diapering products available from one corner of the earth to the other corner of the web these days. I have spent DAYS researching, bookmarking, highlighting, and comparing more diaper options than I ever realized existed before we had our little one.
I've decided something.
I don't NEED all those crazy options that are out there! Don't get me wrong, many of them look great, but they just don't fit with our priorities. My amazing husband didn't even bat an eye when I told him I wanted to consider cloth diapering our kiddos (current and future). His only request (as it usually is) was that if there were going to be options, please limit them as much as possible. No prob. I googled, I searched, I read, I sifted, I consulted, I scoured, I skimmed till my eyes crossed. I had some great pointers from one CDing mama in particular - to whom I am eternally grateful :)! I finally came up with a list of priorities (in order):
- Health. My family historically has sensitive skin, and I've seen the nasty rashes kids can get from unhealthy diapering practices.
- Cost. Did you know some diaper covers can run you upwards of $80.... each?
- Ease of use. I don't know any parent that can actually use all her brain cells when she is up for the 4th time that night with a squeaky, hungry, drooly, poopy baby.
- Fast-drying. Our dryer sucks. Welcome to Japan.
- Longevity. The whole point of using cloth dipes is to be able to REUSE them. Why would I want to buy a new set every time we have another kid?
Following these parameters and a bit of experimenting during our little one's newborn stage, here's what we've settled on:
- GMD's Cloth-eez sized organic unbleached 100% cotton prefolds
- Thirsties covers (sized until I discovered the Duos - love the Duos :) )
- Snappies (we've tried tri-folding the prefolds - we prefer the fit and containment of a snappied prefold)
The only concession we are making to more "simple" diapers is a half-dozen Thirsties Duo Diapers we have in the mail. Changing diapers in Japan can be interesting on occasion. We've been using disposables while out and about because we thought it might make life simpler (changing a prefold does require a smidge more time and room than changing a disposable). Problem? No trash bins in the bathrooms. Now if we have to carry around the dirty diaper anyway, then why on earth are we wasting the money, health benefits, and land-fill space on disposables in the first place?
Challenges: our dryer can't handle anything thicker than a prefold and I am not thrilled at the idea of unstuffing dirty pocket diapers. Solution? The Duo dipes are "sleeve" diapers - every review I've read says the inserts no kidding wash out of the diapers in the washing machine. Hallelujah! Diaper changes as fast as a disposable, healthy as cloth dipes, AND I don't have to get my hands dirty? I'm all there :D. We'll see how it goes - the trial run will be while we're visiting in the States.
I suppose I also ought to share what we use to round out our cloth diapering system:
- Cloth wipes (purchased and cut up from old receiving blankets)
- Wipes spray (don't have a strong opinion on this, but we've been satisfied with these so far)
- Country Save powder detergent (we can use it on ALL our laundry - it gets my husband's mechanic's uniforms clean yet is so gentle on our baby's skin we've never had any residue problems or irritation due to laundry)
- Wet bags and pail liners - can't live without 'em!
Military Tides
PCS Season. Deployments. TDYs. Retirements. Changes of Command. Promotions. Lots of things going on right now. People we love have moved on to new places and new faces appear daily.
This is the life we have chosen. Most days I like it, some days I love it, and some days I just call it a scrap and move on.
Right now we're focused on an upcoming deployment. Not totally unexpected, but not exactly planned-ahead either. We had not-so-secretly hoped dh wouldn't deploy while we were stationed here, but that was silly thinking and we knew it. Uncle Sam must have heard our quiet chatter and decided to remind us who's in charge of where/when we go.
So. Deployment it is.
We've done two deployments so far, and learned different things from each. This will be our first while stationed overseas and (more significantly) our first with a little one.
The upsides:
-Daddy was here for our little one's whole "growing time" (i.e. my pregnancy) AND the delivery (one of my biggest fears with the military has always been that I'll have to "go it alone" during a delivery)
-he's seen lots of milestones including first bath, first smile, first roll, pushing up, hands and knees, and hopefully crawling before he goes (pretty likely the way dd is hanging out on all fours these days!)
-Skype.
-he's not as likely to deploy again for (hopefully) awhile
-he can bring his bike (he's training for a triatholon :) )
-we get to visit family/friends in the States before he goes
-the support here is amazing - so much better than our last base!!!!!
I'm trying not to focus on the downsides right now. We're on quite a short timeline and frankly we don't have time to mope. That's probably best :).
We're going to need some help though and I know that. If I learned anything during my pregnany it's that people genuinely want to help and I genuinely need to accept it - for my health and my sanity.
This is why I'm asking you guys - what advice can you give for making the most of a deployment with a little one? It's a "short" deployment and I know both dh and I can handle it just fine (lots of prayers and good communication are key!), but I'm worried our little one is going to take it hard. Will she know who he is when he comes home? Will she sleep as well while he's gone? Can I make her smile as big as she does for her Daddy? I'm all ears for tips.
This is the life we have chosen. Most days I like it, some days I love it, and some days I just call it a scrap and move on.
Right now we're focused on an upcoming deployment. Not totally unexpected, but not exactly planned-ahead either. We had not-so-secretly hoped dh wouldn't deploy while we were stationed here, but that was silly thinking and we knew it. Uncle Sam must have heard our quiet chatter and decided to remind us who's in charge of where/when we go.
So. Deployment it is.
We've done two deployments so far, and learned different things from each. This will be our first while stationed overseas and (more significantly) our first with a little one.
The upsides:
-Daddy was here for our little one's whole "growing time" (i.e. my pregnancy) AND the delivery (one of my biggest fears with the military has always been that I'll have to "go it alone" during a delivery)
-he's seen lots of milestones including first bath, first smile, first roll, pushing up, hands and knees, and hopefully crawling before he goes (pretty likely the way dd is hanging out on all fours these days!)
-Skype.
-he's not as likely to deploy again for (hopefully) awhile
-he can bring his bike (he's training for a triatholon :) )
-we get to visit family/friends in the States before he goes
-the support here is amazing - so much better than our last base!!!!!
I'm trying not to focus on the downsides right now. We're on quite a short timeline and frankly we don't have time to mope. That's probably best :).
We're going to need some help though and I know that. If I learned anything during my pregnany it's that people genuinely want to help and I genuinely need to accept it - for my health and my sanity.
This is why I'm asking you guys - what advice can you give for making the most of a deployment with a little one? It's a "short" deployment and I know both dh and I can handle it just fine (lots of prayers and good communication are key!), but I'm worried our little one is going to take it hard. Will she know who he is when he comes home? Will she sleep as well while he's gone? Can I make her smile as big as she does for her Daddy? I'm all ears for tips.
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