How to Survive a Deployment: Spouse Edition

PRAY
The family that prays together stays together.  Pray for each other and with each other.  Share prayer requests.  Share rejoicing in answered prayers.  Lean on God and revel in His glorious goodness and love!

COMMUNICATE
This means more than writing letters, Skyping, emailing, or whatever you can do to keep in touch with your loved ones.  It's about WHAT you say and HOW you say it.  Our spouses are not mind readers and Skype isn't the same as sitting with someone face-to-face.  Talk through what you're feeling, tell stories (big and little) about what you've been doing, share your hopes, dreams, fears, and silliness.  Be willing to be a good listener.

INCLUDE EACH OTHER
Discuss finances, work together on changes in bedtime routines, plan Christmas shopping, ask for input and advice when making decisions.  Do NOT let the miles act as a brick wall.  I think feeling disconnected and excluded are probably some of the toughest things to overcome during reintegration, but there's no reason for these to be issues if you work at including each other during the deployment.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Stress is fueled by poor eating, poor sleeping, and poor health.  Invest in your health and sanity by eating right, exercising, and getting a good night's sleep.  Keep your body and mind occupied and fresh through work, hobbies, volunteering, or just getting out and doing something.

IGNORE THE CLOCK
The first deployment I counted down the days.  The second deployment I kept track of weeks or months (1/4 of the way through, 1/2 way done, etc.).  This deployment I've quit looking at the calendar and just taken it one day at a time.  This one has gone so much smoother!  It's easy to get overwhelmed with big chunks of time, but taking things one day at a time helps you focus on the present and not mourn the past or dread the future.

COURT EACH OTHER
Remember when you were dating?  The silly stories you'd share? Late-night phone conversations? Surprise gifts?  The excitement of getting to know each other?  It seems our culture assumes you pitch all that out the window when you get married.  Not true!  I can think of no better time to be excited about sharing each other's lives than when you're married.  If you 're having trouble being creative in ways to get to know each other and show your love, skip the sex.  WHAT?!  Yes.  No sex.  Sex is a gift - a giving of yourself completely to your spouse.  It should be an extension of your love for one another, not a replacement for the deep life-long daily decision and joy of choosing to love someone.  If you're not already, I strongly recommend you begin practicing Natural Family Planning.  If you are conscientiously avoiding getting pregnant, than you and your spouse will practice periodic abstinence.  This is a gift!  It's a chance for you both to reconnect in ways outside of the bedroom.  If you are not practicing NFP or are not avoiding pregnancy, I would still urge you to engage in periodic abstinence - you may be amazed at how many new ways you can find to share and build your love for one another and at the end of each period of abstinence comes a mini-honeymoon - whoohoo! ;p  A bonus is preparation for deployments.  Too many times I've seen couples whose relationships depended so heavily on physical gratification then when separated, they couldn't function as a couple.  They had no idea how to show love to one another without hopping between the sheets.  This is a recipe for disaster.  So.  Save the sex and start dating again!

BUILD EACH OTHER UP
Don't play the blame game.  Each of you is experiencing things you've never experienced before and it's tough.  Real tough.  Listen to each other's concerns and be realistic about what you're dealing with.  Be each other's support system.

BUILD A SUPPORT SYSTEM
Even under the best of deployment circumstances, there are some things that you simply cannot do or be for each other.  Seek out other spouses and families that are currently experiencing or have experienced deployments.  Find someone you can call in the middle of the night when you're sick and need Gatorade and be willing to do the same for them.  Spouse groups, church communities, work buddies, etc. are places you may start to find some supports.  No matter how much you want to be a hermit, you WILL need support at some point so seek it out, reciprocate it, and enjoy it as the blessing it is!

KNOW THERE'S A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!
Deployments do end.  People do change during them.  That's okay - people change even without deployments!  Embrace change and love each other through it all - there is an end in sight!

Goals: Step 1 - Make 'Em Visible

Goals have been posted on the fridge - it's hard to ignore something when it's looking at you every time you walk by!

2011 Goals

Not 2,011 goals!

I don't think I've ever written a list of New Year's resolutions... and these aren't resolutions persay (something about that word just asks for you to break them!).  The last several months I've been working on re-prioritizing and making healthier choices.  This list is a concrete extension of those changes, something tangible and attainable so I have something specific to look forward to and celebrate.  So, without further ado, my 2011 Goals:

1. Daily Quiet Time with God
2. Memorize 26 Scriptures (that's one every 2 weeks)
3. Continue participating in First Place for Health for the entire year
4. Use up fridge foods before buying new ones
5. Do something "new" with our daughter every week (art, field trip, whatever will work that week)
6. Build and follow a realistic daily routine (Fly Lady)
7. Schedule computer time so it doesn't take over my life!
8. Start training for a Marathon (walking 5 miles by June, 10 by December)
9. Make all gifts homemade

I'm terrible about saying I'll do something then not following through (even though I really want to!) so I'm holding myself accountable to this blog as a goal-tracker.  Wish me luck!

Do you have any goals - big or little, silly or serious, realistic or out-of-this-world - that you'll be working on this year?

Curious

In case you haven't already figured it out, we (and by that I mostly mean me) are on the chewy end of the "crunchy" crowd.  We're willing to try something new as long as it's a) affordable and b) not going to cause undue inconvenience.  Generally we prefer to make lifestyle choices that will benefit the earth and our bodies as opposed to causing harm (seeing as how our bodies ARE temples for God).  Sometimes convenience just plain wins out.  We're not perfect, but we're learning :).

So, the most current point of curiosity for me: using oil as a skin cleanser.  The general gist is your skin generates oil as a protectant and moisturizer.  The problem comes in when your skin's pores get clogged up with dirt, grime, bacteria, and "old" oil.  Oil dissolves oil (yay for science class!) so it should make a fine cleanser.
I've looked up a variety of sites and of course each has its own suggestions for oils and oil mixtures.  The most affordable/viable (yay for a BX that has limited selection!) option for me at this time is probably olive oil and castor oil (if I can find it).

Something tells me husband will think I'm nuts, but at this point he's pretty well used to it.  The running record has been as long as I'm willing to do the bulk of the experimenting and it's not going to cause him problems, then he's cool with whatever tangent I care to explore.  He even jumps on the bandwagon on occassion!  Hopefully I can get all the experimenting/kinks worked out before he gets home from deployment, then we can cross the bridge of getting him to try it.  I'll letcha' know how it goes!

Major Intervention: Day 1

We have a great dog.  She's driving me nuts.

Usually my husband takes her for periodic runs, hikes, and other high-energy adventures.  He's deployed.  Yay.

Most days, just making it to the point of showered, dressed, fed, and dog let out to go potty is quite the feat.  Our daughter's sleeping schedule is a mess, so that means mine is too.  We're all running on tired, stressed, and sick of Daddy not being home.

Our daughter's reaction is fussiness and a new conviction that she is the center of the universe and requiring of my full attention at all times.  My reaction is a shorter fuse and a lack of motivation and energy.  Our dog's reaction has been barking at sounds she can't identify (we live in an apartment, there are a LOT of unidentifiable sounds), jumping on and barking at visitors, and most recently growling at our daughter when our little one has come near the dog's food bowl.  That's a problem.  A big problem.  A big enough problem that without major intervention I think she's going to need a new home.

So.  Friday was Major Intervention: Day 1.  Major Intervention consists of:

• Daily walks of at least 30 minutes.  These aren't just exercise walks, these are show-the-dog-who's-in-charge-through-consistent-discipline walks.  Think Dog Whisperer.
• No more kicking her feet after she goes to the bathroom.  It's supposed to be a show of "I'm the boss" and help spread her scent, so nope, no go doggie.
• Immediate redirection to her bed every time she barks, jumps, begs for attention, etc. until she cools it and is ready to focus on my instructions.
• Eating only one time a day, while the baby is asleep.  If the dog doesn't eat within 30 minutes, the food gets put up.  If she's hungry she'll eat the next time food is offered (she's always been very good about self-regulating her food intake).

Once we get these elements in place we'll work in more tactics, but for now I think the most drastic changes in her behavior are going to be brought on by increased exercise and the constant reminder of who's in charge.  I know these are no-duh things, but the daily walks especially are really going to be a stretch for me.  Please wish us luck - we really need to see a major change in our dog's behavior!

Merry Christmas

May this joyous season be filled with peace, grace, thanksgiving, and blessings for you and yours!

-Our Milfamily

Shoe Surprise

I love rediscovering things I didn't know I had!  Went to pick out my clothes this morning for Christmas Mass and found these gems in my drawer - who knew I had such cute shoes? :-)  (I am typically much more of a sneakers or socks kinda' gal)